Facebook

Facebook is starting to get on my last nerve...

When I first joined it was a nice place to socialize, share ideas, and catch up with old friends. It's gotten to the point of being a huge pain in the ass !

* You can't say what you want..someone gets offended...your so called "friends" will either write you something nasty via messages, comment on your status being snippy (assuming it's ALL about them), or delete you because you somehow offended them with what you're saying.

* Sarcasm and humor are totally lost in the FB world...see above with the offensiveness.

* I had a good (which now I do use loosely) friend from high school this past week..which would have been ok ..because we really don't communicate much- but being as I had a grammy conversation on facebook and I had some tongue in cheek statuses..something surely offended her - she kept my sister as a friend and she only met her once - 11 YEARS ago. Case in point.

* If you post TOO many statuses - it's wrong.

* If you don't get on FB enough - it's wrong.

* If you post too many links it's wrong.

* If you say you had a bad day..it's bad b/c someone else could have had a good day and therefore you made them angry..oh and HEAVEN forbid you have multiple bad days and you want feedback - I also had a friend delete me for that - almost 2 years ago..and it still pisses me off - I wasn't posting for attention I needed FEEDBACK b/c I am a pretty much antisocial person - She actually told me that I wasn't using facebook for it's given purpose ...I said that we all use it for different things - she disagreed. I haven't talked to her since - and honestly I don't miss her one bit!

* This leads me to my final point - Will I really miss anyone if I take a hiatus from FB for a while - (I am OVERWHELMED with other crap going on anyway - and without worrying about FB drama it would help things a bit - William says I am oversensitive about it..but honestly - I am NOT a social person for the most part and it's really trying to live the way everyone else on fb wants me to be - I can't please everyone in real life--- HELL if I am going to do it on Facebook.



/end rant

So much to do...so little time

Ah! I am filled with a familiar yet horrible sense of being overwhelmed. It's gotten to the point that I am so overwhelmed that I can't get ANYTHING done :-/ I hate it when I reach this level of stress :(

Working out helps a lot...especially the treadmill..but EVERY TIME I go there it's full..and it's really starting to grate my cheese :-/ I have weight to lose - and of course I was sick for 2 weeks..then I try to get going again and it's one thing after another. I NEED to gym it up at least an hour a day to really feel like me :( I may get some new music..thennn when the gym isn't full with people working on their new years resolutions..I can workout.

I don't want to bore you with the stuff I have going on..so I am going to leave this entry with - I am stressed out..and I DON'T know what to do :-/

Sticks and stones may break my bones but...

..chains and whips excite me..nananan

Love love LOVEEEE Rihanna's new song - even though the content is a little hard core hah

I MUST workout to this!!!

What a hit of reality!

I was on the lanes today at work - which is a change from my normal service desk life as of late...and something weird/interesting always happens b/c it's the name of the retail game! Today, a rang up a guest and she asked me how I enjoyed working there. I told her that it was nice and I liked it but I have my bachelors..so master level classes and boat loads of experience in "my" field. She said that she was thinking about having a "job change"..as she has already changed careers twice in her lifetime and her current place of employment just wasn't working for her anymore. . .

That part wasn't a problem to stomach at all... I mean..I left my job that I considered downright HELL and here I am working retail until I can find something that will actually "complete" me.

The lady proceeded to tell me that she not only has TWO Master's BUT she was working at a library making 15 bucks an hour - which was less than what I was making at my hell job with just my BA and some various classes Master's classes! Apparently the state is dropping hours and adding furlough days..as well as nickel and diming the checks for various reasons as well.

I had told her, before she told me about the double master's..that I was looking into it but I had been indecisive due to not knowing specifically WHAT I want to do and not knowing if the payout was even WORTH it (at least right now). It seriously got me thinking that I NEED to weigh starting a MA heavily and figure out an actual path beforehand. She told me that her 2nd Master's was in Library Science (which I had actually thought about getting into) and there are NO jobs out there for it..and she's so begrudged that she's thinking about leaving to come to retail. She also had the same initial feeling I did about being worried about it being "below" her and that there would be judgment. She is just tired of the madness of her work and she NEEDS out.

Annnnd, this is why I enjoy working retail so much. You get to hear so many stories and realize that you REALLY aren't alone in feelings of disgust at previous jobs or annoyances about the job market right now. You get to learn that there really ISN'T shame in working retail..and you have to do what you have to do.

I am constantly browsing to see what else is "out there" ..right now..not so much luck..but at least I can content enough where I am to NOT be miserable..which is saying a heck of a lot! :)

January Blues

So..it's January. I've never been a true fan of the month. There's the whole hoopla of Christmas...then New Years..then..oh wait January. I love the cold but January is always so bitter. It takes a lot of energy to accomplish anything in January..but one must power through!

I am going to be a bridesmaid in my friend Annette's wedding! I am soooo beyond excited! I have never been a bridesmaid..only a bride (yes..how fun to mix up a classic saying ;))! I actually really enjoying looking at things and doing what she wants done and not having the stress of the actual wedding. I think I would actually enjoy helping plan weddings for others - it's a really creative process for those not in it themselves :)

Weight - well I managed to gain 2 lbs in the month of December. There are a couple of reasons why: 1. I was sick ALL month..and on medication the majority of the month due to that. 2. I wasn't working out due to the fact that I felt so craptastical. 3. I was drinking a ton of soda and overeating like crazy - again b/c I felt bad.

This month..I have pretty much cut caffeine out of my diet..and I have started working out again.I REALLY want to lose 10lbs by Annette's wedding in April. I HOPE I can do it..sometimes I lose motivation for workouts or get out of the eating habits I should be in. I managed to lose about 7 to 8 lbs last year and I feel better about myself..so another 10 in 3 months wouldn't be too shabby (I lost the 7-8 in 3 months last year..then of course the 2 lbs back)

If I can reach that goal then I have further weight loss and fitness goals I would like to achieve. I just really want to feel cute again and go out and buy clothes and not feel like a fat chick allll the time :(

My snow scarf is almost completed yay! I have a furry/smelly scarf to do next..although I haven't quite figured out the specific pattern for it yet..and I don't know whether I will find one I like online somewhere..we will seeeee!

The extra room in our apartment is BEYOND gross and disgusting. I HATE it. I cannot even walk in there anymore..and it used to be the room I would go to ..to get away..play Sims..where guests would sleep. I don't want to go in there..nor do I want guests to. It has all of the boxes from my childhood..almost to the ceiling..not to mention my normal cluttermess..and there's still wedding stuff scattered b/c once I took the boxes in JULY (mind you) there's been no room whatsoever. So..I have a plan..hopefully..kind of. I have a serious LACK of motivation to clean..even though the room is driving me insannne. I would like to redecorate the room - I am thinking if I keep THAT in the back of my mind MAYBE I can power through..kind of like January. I really want a cupcake theme - although a coworker scoffed at it (listen..she didn't know that the last theme was eeyore - I would have to say that cupcakes are a step in the mature direction-- CUPCAKES rock) Cutest theme ever imo..and I found a LOT of stuff online. Hopefully this will happen too!

Alrighty...I think I am going to go find something fantastic to do...although William is feeling sick :( So it's hard when he feels so yucky..and it's weird that he isn't feeling well..with his "superior immune system" :(

Paid Volunterism?!

Ok..so paid volunteerism bothers me...In fact...I didn't even volunteer for PAID volunteerism! It's not VOLUNTERING if you are getting paid...at least that is my feeling on it! (YES...I KNOW that I am being redundant!) I feel as though if I am VOLUNTEERING your time you should not be paid! (mini rant over..thoughts?!)

Silence is the answer

Sooooo....I have been meaning to blog for while and I have just failed at actually doing so!


Let's see...what has been going on?

* Work, Work, more work ...I like to work (I actually like this retail job more than the past 3 jobs in my actual field..which is really sad)

* William and I went to Vegas to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary. It was one disaster after another..I am surprised that we made it back alive..seriously..it was crazy. (fun when it wasn't bad though!!!)

* It's driving me crazy that I can't find the yarn that I need to finish my Christmas scarf :-/ I don't want to have to order it unless I HAVE to!!!

* I haven't worked out in about 3 weeks :-/ And that week I had only worked out once..I feel horribly out of shape again..hopefully in the next 2 weeks I can get back on my 5x a week gym 3-5x a week Jillian workout..I have a LOT more weight to lose :-/

* Silence is the answer - I talk to more people at my new job now..but I really don't want to be part of any of their drama.....seriously retail drama is kind of lame..funny..but lame!

* The messy apartment is driving me INSANE..I should just start buying 2 tubs after work everyday and getting into that extra room. I hate spending money though..but I hate not being able to walk in a room :-/

*I am usually pumped about my birthday..but I feel kind of meh about it right now...I don't remember the last time I did anything super super fun for it...Christmas isn't even exciting me that much right now b/c of the money we need to spend to get gifts and the lack of room in the apartment :-/ I seriously wish we had a house..makes me sad I had to quit the job from hell..b/c if i wouldn't have..we would have had a house....bleh :-/ All my fault.


* I feel special that I am already training people at my job...hopefully I can be a certified trainer..it's so fun! The thing I hated about teaching was the working with groups aspect! I need to figure out what I can do with my love of working and teaching one on one..hmmmm

Stink Bugs and thinggggs

Ok..so the stink bug population is OUT OF CONTROL. On Tuesday there were NONE around our apartment..AT ALL now there are what looks like HUNDREDS just near our building alone. They are trying to get into my hair and sneaking in doors...I try to get the cats to play with them...then I decide..nah...who wants that STINK!?


I actually REALLY enjoy working retail again and maybe thinking I should get a MS in management so I can move up the retail ladder and do more with myself. I finally got to be in a huddle today (well the end of the huddle) and it was fun! lol. The cash office isn't that difficult..but it's complicated!! Just a lot of things to remember and keep track of ...I hope that by the end of the training that I will actually know exactly what I am doing and can be close to perfect at it (my first solo day is next Friday..and I am TERRIFIED!!!

Hellcats is on tonight--- I think it's my new favorite!!! (Something had to take over the Ghost Whisperer gap I suppose!) LOVE IT!

I REALLY need to continue working on my awesome scarf..just I am SO beyond exhausted that I haven't..not good..not good...

After tomorrow I don't have another day off until next Thursday..ahhhh 6 daysssss nonstop..should be interesting!

First Day!

So today was my first official day on the register (actually I was training following a woman named Ramona). I of course decided my name was Beezus for the day ;)

Anyway-- last night I decided I was going to study the sheet of things I would need to know for my "quiz" today on the subjects at hand. Ramona was impressed by the fact that I knew so much -- I stated that I was a hardcore nerd and I just like to know and do EVERYTHING. She was also slightly disturbed that I know that Full House comes on from 2 to 3pm everyday lol. I was also asking question really in detail and wanting to just be the master of the world (she said that normally she trains people that don't or want to know ANYTHING) I have decided that if I am not working my field..I will be the best darn retail worker ANYONE has ever seen or come across-- it's my new goal..for now (that and figuring out my masters of course...::frustration::)

Of course not everyone was nice or professional (to be expected) but overall was a really good day and for once I had FUN..lame I know..but that's better than being beyond miserable everyday and going INSANE right?!

I need to work on how quickly I scan items..yeah I know..I haven't done the retail thing in 6 years.BUUUUT I wasn't being timed before! After tomorrow I am not scheduled on the register due to cash office training until the following Tuesday..week and a half off of it. I am HOPING that after my cash office training everyday I will be on register some..gotta keep it fresh lol.

I am already trying to pick up hours ..so hopefully that will help me later..that and crosstraining. I need to ask if I can wear my capri's and see if I should buy myself some khaki skirts and such..oh and I REALLY want to find some ruby red flats...I am determined to be Dorothy lol.

I am SOOO beyond exhausted. Due to being SO nervous about starting up the new job and relearning cashiering and all new people ..I am just beyond zzzz. I don't think I have actually rested in over a week (and I have been working out 6 days a week too!) Frustrating! Oh and my feet are super sore.


But good news! I will be able to go on the mystery cruise with my ruffian peeps on the 26ths :) So beyond exciiiitttted :)

What I have learned

For the past 5 months I have been unemployed and I was the one who initiated leaving the horrible environment that I was in. I do not regret putting my notice in at all. The way I figure it I would have been fired like the other 15 if I hadn't. But there are some things that I learned during this 5 month hiatus from employment.

1. Getting a job is all luck - As Emily has told me and as we have observed...it's all about timing, timing, timing in the current economy. The right person has to see your resume at the exactly the right time and has to jump on it and call you right then. If you send your resume to an employer even a minute later than someone else you could be totally screwed out of a job --- not on your own accord of course. This is highly frustrating -- I applied to 50 jobs as well as posted my resume to multiple job websites and it was hit and miss actually getting a call or an email.

2. Job announcements are highly misleading-- It may have one set of duties listed on the announcement but if they call you to discuss your duties...it could be completely different. This does cause issues when you are looking for a specific type of job and suddenly they want you to interview for another (this happened to me multiple times). It's very annoying and disheartening when you have your mind set on one job and it's just twisted around. This is very true when applying to nonprofit agencies..be careful!

3. Having a Bachelor's Degree means nothing---or it means too much. I have realized that with my degree I am either UNDER or OVERqualified for pretty much everything. Applying to the jobs that only require a High School diploma that you want doesn't work because employers are ONLY looking for you to have the bare minimum (ie they can pay you less due to the fact that you do not have the education that warrants more) OR the jobs that barely pay more than the jobs that require a High School Diploma but that require a Masters degree. Having just a Bachelor's degree is like being stuck in limbo..even WITH 6 years of nonprofit experience..unless you're shooting for direct care or managing..there's not much out there.

4. (Kind of ties in with the above) If you have experience in the nonprofit field primarily ..it is hard to find a job in the for-profit "field". Generally you have a set of skills that are "supportive" not as much "profitable" (only way I can think of actually describing it). This also ties into the overqualified perspective. Very frustrating.



Finally - I will be working a job in the "for-profit field" ie..retail. I have not worked retail in 6 YEARS. I was going for the HR position but it doesn't open back up for a couple more months. They at least - recognized that I was CLEARLY overqualified and are saying it will offer me more job role flexibility (yay! ability to learn more) and after researching the company they do like to hire within IF you have a degree (which I do).

I feel like a loser for having to go back retail with all my jobs and experience ..not to mention my degree. But it's better than sitting at home and who knows what this could open up for me. Also, I still either want my Masters or some type of certification...I don't think this is "the job" for me forever..but I see it as a transitional job until I can either move up or move on.

On that note..how about if I LOVE this job ..even though the pay (isn't that good) and it doesn't really use any of my learned skills..what do I do then?? I want to be more but how about if it makes me HAPPY? Also..who will be looking down on me for having a job of this nature..what do I do if someone does see me as a loser for what I am doing...it is all very frustrating :(

New kids on the block had a lot of hits...chinese food makes me sick

So sad to find out that Rich Cronin (lead singer of LFO) died yesterday from Leukemia ...35 or 36 years old (differing reports on age).

I will be gainfully employed starting next Tuesday..that's my orientation. Hopefully I won't be the old fogey in the group (ahhh). Oh well at least I can be the smart one if nothing else ( I hope!! :))

I am getting a little obsessed with knitting again..but I really want to expand my skills this time..I need to reteach myself how to purl...then teach myself how to cable etc. etc. I want to make pretty scarves and I want to be able to sell them on Etsy or something..even better..I want to design my own scarves..I think that would be NIFTY !!! :)


Song of the Day
LFO - Summer Girls (RIP Rich)




Bonus Vid: LFO - Girl on TV

Love me..love me

I need to do an actual post but in the meantime (since I keep posting super late ) I will give a quick update. I got my hair done..I hope it looks ok :-/ I lost 2 fb friends randomly ( I figure we weren't that close anyway or I didn't know them--ie frontier or farmville peeps) and I have no clue who they are..guess we weren't that close either way!! :)

Song of the Day is Justin Bieber "Love Me" which is due to the fact I heard this song for the first time yesterday and was like..ohhhh geez he sampled "Lovefool" by the Cardigans..what did I just hear?!





That is all..mini update o rama!

Teenage Dream

I am sleepy and I just don't have the energy to really blog..even though I have a lot going on hah.

So today will be just a "Song of the Day"


Katy Perry
"Teenage Dream"



Sadly the actually video does not have embedding enabled. Boo!

Do you really want to hurt me?

The update for today will consist of unicorns and Boy George. Please watch them both for ultimate enjoyment!

Song of the Day
"Do you really want to hurt me?"
ORIGINAL:




UNICORNS



ENJOY !

Hold on for one more day

Today I went to a funeral for my friend's boyfriend's mom. I had not been to a funeral since my grandfathers at the beginning of 2008 and previous to that it was my own moms funeral in 2003. I feel as though funerals actually highlight the good that one has done as apposed to during the day to day of life when it is mostly negative and put downs are abound. Her funeral was really well done ( I had never met her and felt like I knew her afterwards---remarkable). She also died of cancer so some things came a litttttle too close to home for my comfort but it actually was quite therapeutic. Sometimes you forget that your mom isn't the only one who has died and that you're not living in that reality by yourself. His dad had died 4 years ago as well. It was just crazy. During the funeral a poem was read and it was odd because it made me think of one of my sister in laws - automatically so I sent it to her. Oddly enough she actually had heard parts of it before liked it..and didn't know what it was and was but liked the concept. Death works in mysterious ways.

Here is the Poem...it is called "The Dash" by Linda Ellis

"I read of a reverend who stood to speak
at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth…
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard…
are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
(You could be at "dash mid-range.")

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile…
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy’s being read
with your life’s actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash? "

Random at the funeral: Random fart smells were permeating every couple minutes (not the smell of death..I did smell that as well but it was gross farts during the ceremony..hard to keep a straight face when that happens..not going to lie), and the lady behind Emily and I was singing quite obnoxiously.

Song of the Day:

Wilson Phillips "Hold On"

All of the roads are open in your life

I was back at the gym today! Yay! Yesterday I was just far too BEYOND wiped out to even attempt..and today I barely sweat..I guess I need to rev it up to random 3 on the treadmill next week..need a higher incline mash up! Love the gym!!

Today was much more productive than yesterday but nothing noteworthy occurred! I just want to make sure I keep blogging everyday :)


Song of the Day: Shakira: Give It Up To Me

It's like electricity...

I realized today that I have a major pet peeve at the grocery store. This pet peeve is the people that decide putting their cars in the middle of the grocery store aisle. I understand if it's for a second -- sure that's cool. But, must we block it for ALL the other people who try to get through? If you happen to be in the middle of an aisle and someone is trying to get around you...moving would be the most excellent option. Standing there like a statue isn't helping anyone. I enjoy getting in and out of the grocery store as quickly as possible and respecting the other shoppers. Anticipate the movement of the carts as if you are in the drivers seat of a car. You cannot always be perfect - crazy cart accidents do happen BUT respecting those around you is always key :)! /pet peeve rant over :)

William is making chex mix..the smell is permeating the apartment...YUM! I cannot wait <3


Finally...the song of the day is....

Miranda Cosgrove "Kissin U"

...And there's glitter on the floor

Today was one of those days where I didn't accomplish very much..or anything at all as it were. I ended up sleeping until 10am (which is actually REALLY late for me--I love to be up and at the gym by 8am). My PMDD is really hitting me hard this month. I am wondering if it's because I am on the generic of my birth control or just that my body is like..let's be crazzzy this month!

I ended up eating lunch and then hitting the gym after that. The gym has a different atmosphere in the afternoon that I really can't explain. I certainly hit my stride and got a fantastic workout though :)

I have an interview on Monday at a retail location (ah gasp I know..I am a horrible disappointment)...yes this is how I feel in my mind currently. I just feel like everyone is going to judge me and look down on me. I feel at this point--after almost 5 months of not working..that working is better than NOT working. I also REALLY would like a break from job hunting for a while. The job hunting is just getting so tedious and draining :(. I really want a job that I can learn and grow but even after applying to 50 jobs..NONE of those jobs fulfilled that need even when applying...which is disappointing in itself. So basically I have been having a feeling of worthlessness ..like if I work retail I will be forever judged and looked down upon or something because I have my bachelors and some master level courses under my belt and ugh I dunno. I just hate the thought of people thinking I am worthless because of it. It's all very frustrating. I WANT to do more and I have ideas of what I want to do and I WANT my masters as well. At least working retail will give me the opportunity to have more flexibility for working on my masters (if I can get accepted :-/) and give me time to take off and go on vacations. I am really trying to look at the positives but I am SO afraid of being judged. (rant over...for today)

I watched "The Lookout" today..FANTASTIC movie. I recommend that you watch it. It is about a man that was involved in a car accident and then ends up with memory problems (injury to his frontal lobe specifically). I am so fascinated by memory and the brain....Loved it. I am watching "The Love Letter" now..it's alright I guess hah. It is kind of amusing.

Oh and for the first time I heard the FULL theme of Full House. It's a special song...<3 that show!


Song of the Day
Kesha "Take it off" (I think I need this in my gym jams!)

Dream

So last night I had a very special dream.

I had a dream that I "had" (but not really) a kid. It was more like an adoption but it was just really bizarre. It ended up that my child grew up to be Dwayne Johnson (aka "The Rock"). The problem was (even in my dream) that The Rock was born before I was. So in my dream I was trying to figure out how I had a child before I was born...and took care of this child before I was out of my own personal womb. I had the child but the child was adopted...so in my dream I looked up his birthday on IMDB and found that he was born in 1978 (4 years before me)...in reality he was born in 1972 (just did a nice fact check on the real IMDB...my unconscious mind was only 6 years off lol). Anyway in my dream ...I found out that I gave birth to him 4 years before I was born..then adopted him once I popped out and took care of him even though I was just a tyke. Not to mention he's actually 10 years older than I am...but that's besides the point I guess.






I also had dreams about lots of candy..but that's pretty normal...ahhh CANDY!

Yes..in fact it has been forever

Wow!
I cannot believe that it has been almost 2 years since I have updated this! Crazy!

Most important updates are:

* Married to my William for almost a year <3
* Have the 2 cutest cats..in the world
* Unemployed..but happier than when I was employed at my last job..BUT..still wanting to work somewhere..asap!
* Still <3 working out
* Still addicted to movies!


I need to start keeping up with this again...I am actually headed to the mall now to get Cassie's birthday present..maybe I can find a neat story there :)


Song of the Day:
Train- If It's Love